First Time
by xogutterflower
Summary: "It was a nightmare Kyo-kun," she said, using her personal nickname for him. "A nightmare that I can't wake up from." T for violence, swearing.


_I got a new computer, so I'm seeing how it works. I should be updating 'School' soon. For now, enjoy this. Leave a review, fav, follow, all that jazz. Thanx._

She didn't want to do it. Haru never wanted to hold the damned thing, much less use it. It wasn't her job, and it wasn't her call. This was not what she was supposed to do, and she hated every second she spent with the hot piece of metal in her hand. It burned her to the core, her palms become stupidly slick. This wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to use these kinds of weapons. Her hands were not supposed to be wrapped around the trigger, looking the target in her big, green eyes. She could feel moisture on her forehead and began to swayy. She couldn't do this. She was in charge of getting rid of the bodies, not making new ones. She shouldn't be doing this. This wasn't her environment, and she sure as hell wasn't comfortable.

The poor girl on the other end looked just as shocked as Haru was. A defenseless kitten, about to be thrown to the wolves. Neither the wolf or the kitten moved for a moment, wary of the other person. Haru barely noticed the gun in her hand, nor could she recall placing it there. Green eyes pouring into Haru's brown ones, all she could do was put her hands up and plead. "Please don't kill me," she chanted, over and over again in a voice that smelled like cinnamon and fear. Brown eyes narrowing, Haru sighed to herself. She had the woman's back to a shatterproof glass wall, her high heeled shoes stepping in poolsof her partner's blood. _I'm a cleaner, not a killer goddamnit, _she thought over and over again.

As much as she wanted to drop the gun and let the scared woman run free, she knew she had no other option. _This is my life now_, she had to remind herself. _This is my life now_. Death was all around her on a daily basis, this wasn't supposed to be anything new. It didn't nother her now, seeing bodies in a nice stack for her. Her job was simple, analyze the bodies, and dispose of them in the quickest way possible. Everything about it was simple, so incredibly simple for the twenty-three year old medical student. All she had to do was clean up the mess someone left. She wasn't supposed to make messes herself, and she damn sure never had to clean up after herself. This was something comletely foreign to her, and she wanted to be rid of it.

She had a choice, her life or the kitten's. "I don't want to do this," she said, quietly to herself. Her voice was small and shaky, but it was the truth. The woman nodded and put her hands down. She moved her foot to leave the building, intent on not saying a word about what she'd just seen.

It didn't take long for her to make a decision. "I _don't_ want to do this," she said, her voice a little more stable. She closed her eyes and shot the woman with a small, _bang. _"I didn't want to do this," she said louder, as if the woman could hear her. Haru heard the thud, and could hear the woman sliding down the glass, her blood staining it red and black. Her eyes peered open, and looked into the other woman's. Her remaining eye was wide and incredibly bloodshot. Just under it were tiny drops of red liquid, running down her face. Her pink lips were slightly parted, as if she was taking a sharp breath. The other side of her face was not as...intact.

There was a large, gaping hole where her eye used to be. Bloody, fleshy skin peeled around and in the eye socket, already turning black. Her once blonde hair was stained a deep red, never to come out. White pieces of her skull were clearly visable, and started splintering. She could see a thin trail of smoke raising from the hot weapon. Red dripped endlessly from that hole, spilling onto her white blouse and black pencil skirt. "I didn't want to do this," Haru said, walking over to the girl.

Reaching into the woman's Coach purse, she pulled out a driver's liscence. A record of who this woman was. A record of who she killed. Shakily, she read, "Sakura Toriyama, twenty-eight years old. Five foot three, one hundred and five pounds." She tucked the card away in her coat pocket and closed her eyes, vaguely aware that she had tears running down her face. The salty tears dripped from her face and onto Sakura's open wound. "I'm sorry, Sakura," she said quietly as she prepared to do her job. She held back a sob, and repeated herself, louder this time.

* * *

"Haru, wake up!" she heard froma voice abover her. She'd know that voice anywhere, in any situation. It was different than what she was used to coming from him. He sounded stressed and drained, a clear sign that he had not had a restful night. While she hadn't the slightest idea of _how,_ she knew that it was because of her. The only time the man let something keep him awake was when it was her. Otherwise, he'd out it in its place, and then continue with his slumber. Her brown eyes snapped open, confirming what she thought. Messy black hair and cool grey eyes locked with hers, and she could feel herself ready to sob into his chest, like she'd been doing for the past three nights. Quickly, he wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly to him.

She was the only this special to him, and he wouldn't let her suffer by herself. He'd shoulder as much of the burden with her, no matter how she tried to cut him out of it. He stroked her now short hair softly, his hands lightly dancing in the brown field. He kissed her forehead softly before speaking in the most gentle tone he could muster, "You were having a dream about her again." The poor girl sobbed into his chest and quickly nodded. Her arms found a way to his back, and held onto his for dear life.

"It was a _goddamn nightmare _Kyo-kun," she said, using her personal nickname for him. "_A goddamn nightmare that I can't wake up from." _He wrapped her hands around her tiny form tighter and hushed her as she sobbed into his satin, black pajama top. He was in no position to offer advice, as he was Vongola's killing machine. He could've killed the woman without batting an eye in the second she walked into the room. Killing didn't bother him. He was a seasoned professional now. Hell, even as a sloppy newbie it didn't disturb him much, if he got a good fight out of it. He seen every life as a ticket, a price for safety. As long as his future and _her_ future were secured, they died for a worthy enough cause. Being completely honest, he didn't even need insurance on his own life. As long as his spring bird was safe, he'd be alright. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust and all that shit didn't matter to him.

He couldn't understand the guilt that plagued his little bird. _She's soft, _he thought, cuddling her to his chest. _She's soft, and sweet and the whole disaster wasn't supposed to happen. She wasn't prepared, _he reasoned with himself. He sill held her, but gave her occasional kisses on the top of her head. To be completely honest, he had no idea what he was doing or why he was doing it. The woman was twenty-three and perfectly capable of taking care of her damn self. If he left her right now, she'd eventually fight off the nightmares on her own. Life in the mafia isn't easy, but it's possible. He had no obligation towards her, not being her boyfriend or anything of the sort. Hell, before this, they were casual fuck buddies. When one of them came home from a mission, they'd sit up all night with each other, talking about anything they'd done while the other was gone, and then head to one of their rooms to screw around until daylight. By the next day, the two acted if they were merely coworkers. The most intimate they'd get was a kiss before one of them left on a long mission. He thought that was the only tie to her, a physical desire.

Something changed when he saw her walking back to the car. She called him to pick her up after she'd done the deed, which was slightly unusual but could be expected. She walked with a slight limp, though her black boots seemed to be in prestine condition. Her face was in a straight line, not a trace of a smile but no sense of sadness. She carried a two small luggages with wheels on them, and refused any held in loading them into the black sports car. Haru was a ray of sunshine, the forever optimist. She longed to make others happy and just her prescense lifted spirits. Butting sitting in the front seat of his car, dressed in a leather black trench coat and black leggings, she seemed to be the moon rather than the sun. Pale skin looked whiter than usual, and her big brown eyes were wider than he'd ever seen them. She'd told him to stop at the bridge, and all seemed normal. It was a usual dump sight and he saw no harm in letting her get rid of the thing making his car smell like rotting meat.

All was fine until she tried to jump.

He never left her side since.

_She's handling herself pretty well, _he thought, seeing that the girl was spilling her heart out to him, again. _She's hasn't tried anything stupid again. _He sighed as she looked up at him, brown eyes staring into his. Neither of them said anything, and no words were needed. She closed the distance between them slowly, letting her lips lightly graze him. She didn't try to taste him, or drink him in like she used to do, but savored feeling his lips on hers and his hands around her. She pulled away, just an inch. She could feel his breath on her face, and she rested her head in the crook of his neck. "Kyo-kun?" she asked softly, not looking his way.

"Hmm?"

"Why are you staying with me?"

Hw wasn't prepared to answer that question. His mind screamed at him to let her go and leave at once, but _damn _he dind't want to leave Haru alone. She consumed his thoughts from time to time, eating up hours and hours of his day. He thought about it for a second, and stated matter-of-factly, "You need me."

She sat up in his arms, not breaking the embrace, but looking at him, eye to eye. "We both know that's a damn lie, Kyo-kun," she said in a soft voice. "I could be fne in a few months or so. You know that even more than I do." A slight grunt confirmed that, yes, he knew. "So why stay? I don't get it anymore, Kyoya." He flinched at the soiund of his whole first name. It's been a while since he heard her say it. "What are _we_ doing?" she asked, her eyes giving way to new tears. Hibari opened his mouth to say someting, but she inturrupted. He was glad, because he didn't know what the _hell _they were anymore.

"I think I love you, Kyo-kun. I know it sounds weird, and you might not think so, but I do. I feel something for you, something special and different. You make my head spin, and make my stomach feel empty. I know I'm the safest when I'm with you, and I _can't _leave your side. And I think that's love, Kyo-kun. I really do." Stunned, the prefect had no idea what to say to her. Yes, he felt something towards her, more than a simple attraction. No, he didn't know what it was, but if that's what love felt like that damnit he was in far too deep to come out.

_Don't say a single word, _he thought as he crushed his lips onto hers.

_I think I love you too._


End file.
